Me: umm.. Inzain when was the last time he came here?
6ab3an ma3ali thay3a bi6osha o ma tadri wut was going through my mind
Nurse: he's here ms.zaina, talking to dr.kamal
I closed my eyes, realizing my dreams weren't dreams after all..
Me: nurse? Bring him to me.
Nurse: ok ms.zaina (walking out..)
I took a deep breath, failingly attempting to calm my heart that was skipping more beats than any heart could possibly endure...
*******************************************************************************
I kept my eyes closed..
Ma3ali: aloo? Gooleeli zayoon shisalfa laish bityeebeen irayal? Mala da3i..
Me: awalan imbala leh da3i.. I must thank him, maga9ar ma3ay.. Thaniyan.. I think I know who this guy is..
Ma3ali: mino?
Me: him..
Ma3ali: shino tista3bi6ain zayoon?! Mino taq9ideen?!
Me: umm.. Black porsche?
Ma3ali: shako? 7addich tit7allimain, mako '3airi bideera ya3ni 3ashan ykoon ohwa illi yabich?
Me: ma3ali.. Chub
Ma3ali: wallah low mo mkassira min foug lay ta7at chan warraitich..
Me: hehe ok..
And then the door opened.. Slowly..
*********************************************************************************
dr: yabni malak.. Ba2ullak ilbint il7amdu lillah bi5air wmafeehash 7aga..
Yusif: shloun b5air dr.. Libnaya mitkasra oo ma gamat illa 3ugub 4 ayam.. Tgooli b5air?
Dr: aywa b5air.. Howwa meen il mushrif 3alaiha hina? Ana wella enta?
Yusif: 3afwan dr ana mo qa9di, bas abi at6amman 3alaiha..
*Knock Knock*
Dr: itfaddal
The nurse opened the door and came in..
Nurse: sorry dr for interrupting..Sir, ms.zaina is asking to see u..
Yusif: huh? Me?!
Nurse (smiling): yes sir u..
Yusif: why? And how did she know that am here?
Nurse: I told her sir.. She was asking about the flowers..
Yusif: aha..
Wihga. Shagool 7ag libnaya? I promised her that she wouldn't see me again. Min awalha breaking promises ;s Akeed she's mad that I was there at the accident.. Ashkara I was still following her around, wella 3ayal how come it was me who brought her to the hospital? Urgh, I hate this. O hathail il nurses ma y3arfoon ysakroon 7aljhum? Lazim ya3ni garga zayda..
Dr: ustaz yusif...?
Yusif: huh.. Hala hala dr?
Dr: ru7t fain yabni.. Ba2ali sa3a banadi 3alaik
Yusif: asif dr.. Bali mash'3ool shway..
Dr: baayin.. Yalla yabni roo7 shufha..
Yusif: ee yalla.. 3an ithnik..
Dr: iznak ma3ak.. (Mumbling: wa minal 7ubbi ma qatal !)
I glared at him.. Nag9ik ana wiyya 9al3itik.. I opened the door and walked through those corridors for the millionth time in those few days.. Shagoolaha? Asif bas ma gidart a5aleech tmooteen jidam 3yooni? That's pathetic! Maybe I should just leave? Bas la shbitgool 3anni..
I was right in front of her door. Silence. I could hear my heartbeats loud in my ears. Shfeeni 5agait'ha marra wa7da? I should just do it o afik 3umri.. I took a deep breath, and knocked softly on the door; she might have returned to sleep.. No one answered. I opened the door to get a glimpse of her angelic face.. I've been coming in everyday since she was here. I'd wait til her father leaves, and then wait to see if that girl would come, and then I'd go in after they'd all left. Yes maybe its wrong, but I just can't let her stay alone, even in her sleep. I would bring a bouquet of flowers everyday; she's more than worth all the flowers in the world. I wanted her to be happy to see the flowers when she opens her eyes. But unfortunately isalfa ingalbat 3alay, she'll be mad now.
I pushed the door as slowly and quietly as I could. From the door, I couldn't see the bed, but there wasn't anyone in the room. I closed the door quietly behind me and went in..
********************************************************************************
For a few seconds I thought that someone had the wrong room and went out. But then I heard the same thumping that I heard a while ago. And then... He appeared in front of me. His eyes went wide when he saw my eyes open, and ma3ali sitting on the chair next to me. His face turned deep red under his tanned skin.
Yusif: uhh.. Asif.. 6aggait ilbab o ma7ad rad..
Me: 3adi
I just realized I was blushing too, under my scars and bruises. I was looking away from him, but I could see that he had lowered his eyes to the floor. Waay zoqa :$ Umm inzain al7een shagoola? Ubbay am stupid I should've planned it before doing this :s
Ma3ali: (whispering) zaina? Hello? Irayal na6ir!!
Me: 9ara7a madri shagoolik.. I don't know how to thank u..
Brain: Pathetic!! U could do better
Yusif: ma sawwait illa ilwajib.. Il7imdillah 3ala salamtich
I raised my eyes to him. He was staring at the foot of my bed.
Me: umm.. thanks for all the flowers, bas didn't u notice something was missing? Feehum killihum?
Brain: that's my girl!! ;)
He stared, right into my eyes. He looked shocked; afraid.. I don't know!! Why can't I read this guy's face?
Yusif: wut was missing?
Me: hehe.. Ismik?!
Releif. That I can see. Why was he afraid of me? Did I look that bad? :s
Yusif: asif wallah I didn't notice.. Ana yusif il******
I was surprized. I glanced at ma3ali. Her face kan FILIM. LOL. She was shocked, 3ala thay3a, 3ala mo m9adga inni it was really HIM. Plus the shock of his family name. Like mino bideera MA y3arifhum?!
Me: winni3im feek..
Yusif: yin3am ib7alich..
Me: umm.. Yusif?
The look on his face changed, as if something inside him was moving him.. His facial expressions are impossible to read :s What's he hiding?
Yusif: aamray?
Me: fee so2al mo gadra algala jawab..
He frowned..
Yusif: shino ohwa?
Me: ana mit2akda 100% inna lemma di3amt, there was no black porsche around..
His face turned into the deepest red. But it didn't look like anything I've seen before..
Yusif: ma kint bil porsche..
Me: 3ayal?
Yusif: I was driving another car..
And then it hit me. He promised he wouldn't let me catch him again tailing me; that didnt mean that he'd stop the whole thing.. Aaah <3 !!
Me: wut was it?
Yusif: escalade..
Me: color?
Yusif: white..
Me: hmm.. Shrayik ta36eeni list of the cars u own?
His head was down. And he looked upset. Wuts wrong with him? That was supposed to be a joke..
Yusif: ok shoofay adri I promised.. But I really couldn't hold myself back from inni asayrich lay il bait.. O I thought changing cars would make u think that I stopped following u.. But bringing u here gave me away.. Ma gidart an6ir ilis3af..
Were those tears in his eyes? Min 9ijja hatha? He thinks am mad inna he saved me? That he was there next to me when I needed him?!
Me: la7tha la7tha.. Inta fahim il mawthoo3 '3ala6
His face: Confussion. And some more of it.
Me: u think ana za3lana lana kint la7igni?!
Ma3ali 3a6atni nathra - 6oooooo6!!!
Me: umm.. Ok ok.. Its not wut u think.. And am grateful that u were there...
My face was BURNING. Ubbay badda3t. Min 9ijji ana? ;$
He gave me soft smile, a mix of happiness, guilt, and shame.
Me: wallah mo za3lana.. Bil 3aks :$....
He was turning to leave, when he stop suddenly, searching in his jeans pocket. He took out a crumpled paper, blood stains over it. He came over to my bedside table, and placed the paper on top of it.
Yusif: I think, now after u've said it, u'll want this back..
He turned to leave, reaching the door, I realized this was the paper I was holding tight to when I went unconcious in the accident.. I held it in my hand, close to my heart..
He opened the door and was going out..
Me: Yusif!!!
He turned back to me..
Me: mita tyee marra thanya?
Yusif: don't worry.. I'll never leave u
He gave me the sweetest smile ever, and closed the door behind him... <3
29.9.09
24.9.09
Part Seven
A few minutes had passed since the crash happened. Every part of me was screaming with pain, wanting to be released and thrown into nothingness. My whole life was going to end. I closed my eyes, into the so-called nothingness, releived that the person that I was starting to love, was a few feet away from my dieing body...
*********************************************************************************
I tried to open my eyes. It feels like they've been closed forever. I heard low whispers somewhere, a language I couldn't understand. Where was I? My shoulders hurt. I was lying down on my back, flat out with a low pillow. This wasn't mine, my pillow is puffy and welcoming. I tried to turn to my side when pain raced throughout my body. I didn't move. Wut was happening? Why am I feeling pain all over? I opened my eyes. This ceiling.. I've never seen it before; blue. And then I noticed the smell. I've always hated it ever since I was little; dettol or Clorox or something, urgh. I didn't understand a thing. I was too dizzy to think, and drifted to my deep sleep again...
**********************************************************************************
People talking, worried. I was irritated. Cant people understand someone's need to SLEEP? I felt so tired like I haven't slept for days. I wana go back to that dream, it felt so nice like it was real. I cant remember it well; someone whispering something nice in my ear, a hand smoothing my hair, a soft kiss on my forehead. I had a few more similar dreams. I smiled to myself. That hurt. Weird. Since when does smiling hurt? I tried to think of wut could possibly be hurting my face like that. But then my thoughts were interrupted..
Baba: dr 9arlaha sboo3 nayma.. mo ma3qoola.. mit2akdeen inha b5air?
Dr: mat5afsh ya 7ag.. ta2seer il 7adis kan gamid 3ala gismaha.. il gism byi7tag kam youm 3alashan yit3afa.. wi deh shee2 6abee3i giddan.. wi 6ab3an 7adritak 3arif innu ilkusoor bti7tag fatra 6aweela 3ashan tilti2im tani..
And then I remembered.. I was in an accident, right? But wut happened? I cant remember.. I opened my eyes: I squinted against the lights. I saw 2 people standing at the door. They didn't notice that I had opened my eyes. I tried to call baba, but it seems that I'd lost my voice.. they kept talking, my hard attempts to call them unnoticed. Wouldn't they even look over? I tried to get up..OUCH. I moaned.. they both came hurrying to my side..
Baba: zaina? Zaina? Baba tismi3eeni??
I looked at him with a pained look; I couldn't hide it nor could I hide my tears. I was in the deepest pain I ever felt. Baba's face looked very troubled, 7araaaam :( I blinked my tears away, I don't want him to worry zyada about me. Akeed 9arla cham youm worrying. There were dark shadows under his puffy eyes, kisar 5a6ri :(
A few nurses came in, kil wa7da t7oos ib 9oub, following the dr's orders. One of them came yammi holding a plastic cup with a straw.
Nurse: drink habibteee.. Ur lips are dry
I tried to lift my head a bit, when I noticed a cast on my neck.
Nurse: no no.. Stay laying down and drink
I puckered my lips and she put the straw, (malout 3a9eer kdd :p) and I drank as if I never tasted water before. I felt my throat open up, as if it's walls were stuck together from the dryness. I breathed in deeply. I looked at baba; his eyebrows were about to switch places min kithir ma he was worried.
Me: ma feeni shay baba la t5af
My voice was so different. It was more of a croak. I must be strong, at least in front of poor baba.
Baba: il7imdillah 3ala salamtich yoba. Wallah 5awafteeni 3alaich
Me: allah ysalmik baba. 5ala9 kani am ok
Baba: 5ala9 yoba ana lazim aroo7 al7een o amirich ib 6al3iti min idawam
Me: ok baba take care
He left. Nurses were still moving around my room. One was checking on the thing stuck in my hand, one was trying to make some space for flowers that were just delivered. Wow.. Those are some flowers here.. I looked at the nurse beside me..
Me: umm nurse? Were there any cards on those flowers?
Nurse: yes habibteee.. We kept them for u.. U have many ppl who love u..!
Me: illi yadri yadri, willi ma yadri ygool mithlich..
I was talking more to myself than to her..
The nurse handed me a pile of cards. I started opening them one by one...
Aha.. Wayid imta3ba nafsich.. Ashkara uboy '3a9ibha... NEXT!!
Ma tshoofeen shar zayoon o allah ygawmich bisalaaamaa yaaa rab !!! We love uuu!!xoxo ;**
This was a huge card signed by my whole high skool class.. It was really cute.. Ya7lailhum ;*
Ma3ali.. I looked around for my mobile.. I want to call her.. I looked at the bedside table.. Nothing but a bottle of water and the plastic cup with the straw. There was a landline phone..
I reached out with my good hand, the other one casted, but couldn't reach. I clicked on the red button next to me to get the nurse to help me.. I closed my eyes, I was still so tired.
It was a minute till the door opened.
*********************************************************************************
I tried to open my eyes. It feels like they've been closed forever. I heard low whispers somewhere, a language I couldn't understand. Where was I? My shoulders hurt. I was lying down on my back, flat out with a low pillow. This wasn't mine, my pillow is puffy and welcoming. I tried to turn to my side when pain raced throughout my body. I didn't move. Wut was happening? Why am I feeling pain all over? I opened my eyes. This ceiling.. I've never seen it before; blue. And then I noticed the smell. I've always hated it ever since I was little; dettol or Clorox or something, urgh. I didn't understand a thing. I was too dizzy to think, and drifted to my deep sleep again...
**********************************************************************************
People talking, worried. I was irritated. Cant people understand someone's need to SLEEP? I felt so tired like I haven't slept for days. I wana go back to that dream, it felt so nice like it was real. I cant remember it well; someone whispering something nice in my ear, a hand smoothing my hair, a soft kiss on my forehead. I had a few more similar dreams. I smiled to myself. That hurt. Weird. Since when does smiling hurt? I tried to think of wut could possibly be hurting my face like that. But then my thoughts were interrupted..
Baba: dr 9arlaha sboo3 nayma.. mo ma3qoola.. mit2akdeen inha b5air?
Dr: mat5afsh ya 7ag.. ta2seer il 7adis kan gamid 3ala gismaha.. il gism byi7tag kam youm 3alashan yit3afa.. wi deh shee2 6abee3i giddan.. wi 6ab3an 7adritak 3arif innu ilkusoor bti7tag fatra 6aweela 3ashan tilti2im tani..
And then I remembered.. I was in an accident, right? But wut happened? I cant remember.. I opened my eyes: I squinted against the lights. I saw 2 people standing at the door. They didn't notice that I had opened my eyes. I tried to call baba, but it seems that I'd lost my voice.. they kept talking, my hard attempts to call them unnoticed. Wouldn't they even look over? I tried to get up..OUCH. I moaned.. they both came hurrying to my side..
Baba: zaina? Zaina? Baba tismi3eeni??
I looked at him with a pained look; I couldn't hide it nor could I hide my tears. I was in the deepest pain I ever felt. Baba's face looked very troubled, 7araaaam :( I blinked my tears away, I don't want him to worry zyada about me. Akeed 9arla cham youm worrying. There were dark shadows under his puffy eyes, kisar 5a6ri :(
A few nurses came in, kil wa7da t7oos ib 9oub, following the dr's orders. One of them came yammi holding a plastic cup with a straw.
Nurse: drink habibteee.. Ur lips are dry
I tried to lift my head a bit, when I noticed a cast on my neck.
Nurse: no no.. Stay laying down and drink
I puckered my lips and she put the straw, (malout 3a9eer kdd :p) and I drank as if I never tasted water before. I felt my throat open up, as if it's walls were stuck together from the dryness. I breathed in deeply. I looked at baba; his eyebrows were about to switch places min kithir ma he was worried.
Me: ma feeni shay baba la t5af
My voice was so different. It was more of a croak. I must be strong, at least in front of poor baba.
Baba: il7imdillah 3ala salamtich yoba. Wallah 5awafteeni 3alaich
Me: allah ysalmik baba. 5ala9 kani am ok
Baba: 5ala9 yoba ana lazim aroo7 al7een o amirich ib 6al3iti min idawam
Me: ok baba take care
He left. Nurses were still moving around my room. One was checking on the thing stuck in my hand, one was trying to make some space for flowers that were just delivered. Wow.. Those are some flowers here.. I looked at the nurse beside me..
Me: umm nurse? Were there any cards on those flowers?
Nurse: yes habibteee.. We kept them for u.. U have many ppl who love u..!
Me: illi yadri yadri, willi ma yadri ygool mithlich..
I was talking more to myself than to her..
The nurse handed me a pile of cards. I started opening them one by one...
Salamat... 5altich sara
Ma tshoofeen shar zayoon o allah ygawmich bisalaaamaa yaaa rab !!! We love uuu!!xoxo ;**
This was a huge card signed by my whole high skool class.. It was really cute.. Ya7lailhum ;*
Il7imdillah 3ala salamtich zayoon.. Wallah figadtich oo mayta 5ouf 3alaich.. Yalla goomay tara ma9a5teeha ;*Miss u ;*
Ma3ali.. I looked around for my mobile.. I want to call her.. I looked at the bedside table.. Nothing but a bottle of water and the plastic cup with the straw. There was a landline phone..
I reached out with my good hand, the other one casted, but couldn't reach. I clicked on the red button next to me to get the nurse to help me.. I closed my eyes, I was still so tired.
It was a minute till the door opened.
Me: nurse please can u call someone for me? I can't reach the handset..
Silence...
I opened my eyes.. No one
Haw.. I heard someone come in.. I clicked on the button again.. It was a few minutes til the nurse came in..
Nurse: sorry ms.zainaa.. I was with another patient..
Me: umm.. Can u help me call please? I can't reach the phone..
Nurse: yees yees of course
The nurse came over.. I noticed that the nurse's shoe didn't make any noises.. The person who came in made a quiet thumping when they walked.. Mino ya3ni? That's weird..
I was just giving the nurse ma3ali's number, when the door opened.. I looked and gasped..
I was just giving the nurse ma3ali's number, when the door opened.. I looked and gasped..
Me: ma3aaliiiii !!!
Ma3ali: aaaaah!! Zayoooon !!
She came over, wanting to hug me, then stopped. Looking at me all over..
Ma3ali: @@ umm.. Agdar alimmich? ;'p
Me: hehe wallah ma jarrabt yalla limeeni
She just put her arms around me very lightly. 7aram 5ayfa t3awirni ;'*
Ma3ali: waay zayoon il7imdillah 3ala salamtich.. Wallah mawateeni 5ouf 3alaich!!
My eyes got all teary. I think she's the only person I know who would care so much about me..
Me: allah ysalmich.. Bas amana ma3ali.. Abi a3arif shino illi 9ar bithab6, ma7ad solafli..
Ma3ali: ana 6ab3an 6aya7t il miyana wiyya il nurses illi hnee min kithir ma ayee hehe
(Aaaaww ;'* ba3ad 3umri she came to visit even though ana ma agoom!!)
Ma3ali: so ohma illi galoli isalfa.. After u.. did ur show bishari3 :p.. Hehe badda3tay 9ara7a, wut were u doing bithab6? Allah sitar wallah ya zayoon.. Anyways, after u crashed, u were stuck fa ma7ad gadir i6al3ich min ur car :s fa kan lazim yan6iroon il ma6afi to cut through il 7adeed.. As u know hathail i6awloon shkithir.. Oo took them time zyada to work on the cutting.. Fa 3alama 5alli9aw intay kan 9ayirlich mudda unconcious.. Wil is3af lail7een mo wa9leen. O fee wa7id kan wagif 3ind ur car the whole time, 3a9ab inna 6awilaw.. So he lifted u bkaifa, 7a66ich in his car oo he drove off!!
I was stunned. Wth!! Ubbay that is EMBARRASSING!!! Thank God I was unconcious!! ;'$ But...
Me: umm.. Ma3ali? Mino ohwa? Ya3ni did u see him or something?
Ma3ali: ana la ma shifta.. Bas il nurses kilhum shafoh.. He's been visiting everyday chinna to check on u.. Wil nurses 7adhum mistanseen 3alaih hehe
Me: 7ilfay..
I pressed the red button once more. Shako ma ygooloonli?! Ma3ali was giving me the "shfeeha hathi" look.. The same nurse illi misa3 came in..
Nurse: yes ms.zaina?
Me: umm I want to ask u something..
Nurse: yes? (With the same look on ma3ali's face.. lol)
Me: umm.. Was there anyone coming to see me everyday?
Nurse: yes! Ms.ma3ali came a lot.. And this gentleman that brought u here.. U can see his flowers all around u, and the cards I gave u!!
I looked around.. There were flowers everywhere within my sight. All kinds, all colors. I looked at the cards that I didn't look through. They all had similar handwriting, the handwriting that was the last thing I had my eyes on before I went unconsious on that day.. They were so many, as to the few days I've been here, 10 or 15.. all without any signature.. No name no initials no nothing.. Just the get well soon type of thing..
Me: umm.. Inzain when was the last time he came here?
6ab3an ma3ali thay3a bi6osha o ma tadri wut was going through my mind
Nurse: he's here ms.zaina, talking to dr.kamal
I closed my eyes, realizing my dreams weren't dreams after all..
Me: nurse? Bring him to me.
Nurse: ok ms.zaina (walking out..)
I took a deep breath, failingly attempting to calm my heart that was skipping more beats than any heart could possibly endure.. <3
******************************************************************************
3ad al7een baskom 7anna 3ad oo give me a break.. ti3abt :$
22.9.09
Part Six
I hugged the paper and realized, with tears starting to fall, that my stupidness was going to end his stalking that I had fallen in love with..
********************************************************************************
I drove home blindly. I wasn't aware of my surroundings. This was too much, I just can't take it. Why did he do this to me, why?! Couldn't he see that I wanted him?! That I was accepting him into my damn life? Wasn't it obvious to him?! I cried and cried some more. I was on the highway and was driving so fast the car would've flown if it had wings.. My eyes were so blurry with tears I could hardly see the road. I didn't know wut to do. I hit the steering wheel over and over again. I wished I would die. I've been through enough pain in my life. I don't want to go through this. If he wasn't willing to do anything real, why did he follow me for over 2 months?! I cried my grief. I cried my loss. I cried my unborn love.
I was getting closer to home, gotta clean up and dry my tears before getting there; mali 5ilg hatheech titshammat witgi6 3alay 7achi. I looked for the tissue box: the backseat. I was still on the highway and couldn't pull over. I reached behind me as an attempt to get the box but it was too far to be within my reach. I looked at the road, no one ahead. I steadied my hand on the steering wheel and turned my whole body around and to the backseat. Still out of reach. I pushed myself just a little bit further. I stretched my fingers to their limit. Got it! But then something weird happened. My body was in a too wrong angle to know where it came from, but something hit the car. It was too forceful that I was thrown to the backseat. I was upside down and the car was moving in tremendous speed and everything was flying everywhere I couldn't get up. I found places to hold on to and got up, just in time to see the car spinning towards a six-wheel truck parked on the side.
Instinct told me to try and get some control on the steering wheel. I threw myself over the driver's seat, the rest of my body still in the back, and tried to hold the steering wheel in place. As I did it, I realized that my stupidness in physics class was still in effect. My hold on the steering wheel caused the car to tip over and ROLL right into the six-wheeler. The rolling caused me to fly over the seat, and come down on the headrest, somewhere in my back.
The pain was excrutiating, but the shock of seeing the side of the six-wheeler coming close took hold of my attention and horror of wut was happening. And then everything happened at once. The car came face forward into the six-wheeler. I was thrown into the windshield, my face crashing into the shattering glass. The dashboard went upwards, squeezing the upper part of my body between the dashboard and cracked glass. I was so frightened to move, I didn't dare move a muscle. I was crying; crying my pain, crying my fear, crying over my mom who died a similar death. I started to hear many voices yelling somewhere. I felt warm blood dribbling over my eyelids, all over my face. I couldn't feel my left leg, it had gone numb. My breathing was too painful, I wished I could stop it. I just wish I can vanish from here.
Things were under me on the dashboard; a text book, lip gloss, and a half page torn from my notebook soaked in tears. I stretched my fingers and slided the paper closer to me. I cried more. I needed him now. If he was here now he would have protected me somehow, saved me. Voices now were all around me; I was facing the six-wheeler, so I couldn't see anyone.
Someone: i5ti ?! Feech shay? T3awartay??
Is that a damn question to ask? Can't he see that am covered in blood and stuck in here?
Me: 6al3ooni.. Plz 6al3ooni magdar asta7mil
My voice was obvious, even though I tried to cover my fear and sobs. I was in pain beyond imagination.
Someone else: ilma6afi wil is3af yayeen, intay 5aleech ma3ana bas.
I was hearing many voices. Ppl talking to eachother, ppl on the phone; and then, a voice that I longed to hear, talking to someone, I supposed on the phone.
Voice: cancel all my meetings for tonite and the three days following today.
(Pause...)
La mako shay, bas am gonna be busy. So cancel kilshay, o don't reschedule laima aridlik 5abar.
I was shivering. Was it him? Was it really him? If it was, why didn't he come talk to me? Why didn't he do anything. I cried more. I was sobbing hard now. Someone was patting my foot through the shattered window, mumbling that help will be here soon.
A few minutes had passed since the crash happened. Every part of me was screaming with pain, wanting to be released and thrown into nothingness. My whole life was going to end. I closed my eyes, into the so-called nothingness, releived that the person that I was starting to love, was at least a few feet away from my dying body...
********************************************************************************
I drove home blindly. I wasn't aware of my surroundings. This was too much, I just can't take it. Why did he do this to me, why?! Couldn't he see that I wanted him?! That I was accepting him into my damn life? Wasn't it obvious to him?! I cried and cried some more. I was on the highway and was driving so fast the car would've flown if it had wings.. My eyes were so blurry with tears I could hardly see the road. I didn't know wut to do. I hit the steering wheel over and over again. I wished I would die. I've been through enough pain in my life. I don't want to go through this. If he wasn't willing to do anything real, why did he follow me for over 2 months?! I cried my grief. I cried my loss. I cried my unborn love.
I was getting closer to home, gotta clean up and dry my tears before getting there; mali 5ilg hatheech titshammat witgi6 3alay 7achi. I looked for the tissue box: the backseat. I was still on the highway and couldn't pull over. I reached behind me as an attempt to get the box but it was too far to be within my reach. I looked at the road, no one ahead. I steadied my hand on the steering wheel and turned my whole body around and to the backseat. Still out of reach. I pushed myself just a little bit further. I stretched my fingers to their limit. Got it! But then something weird happened. My body was in a too wrong angle to know where it came from, but something hit the car. It was too forceful that I was thrown to the backseat. I was upside down and the car was moving in tremendous speed and everything was flying everywhere I couldn't get up. I found places to hold on to and got up, just in time to see the car spinning towards a six-wheel truck parked on the side.
Instinct told me to try and get some control on the steering wheel. I threw myself over the driver's seat, the rest of my body still in the back, and tried to hold the steering wheel in place. As I did it, I realized that my stupidness in physics class was still in effect. My hold on the steering wheel caused the car to tip over and ROLL right into the six-wheeler. The rolling caused me to fly over the seat, and come down on the headrest, somewhere in my back.
The pain was excrutiating, but the shock of seeing the side of the six-wheeler coming close took hold of my attention and horror of wut was happening. And then everything happened at once. The car came face forward into the six-wheeler. I was thrown into the windshield, my face crashing into the shattering glass. The dashboard went upwards, squeezing the upper part of my body between the dashboard and cracked glass. I was so frightened to move, I didn't dare move a muscle. I was crying; crying my pain, crying my fear, crying over my mom who died a similar death. I started to hear many voices yelling somewhere. I felt warm blood dribbling over my eyelids, all over my face. I couldn't feel my left leg, it had gone numb. My breathing was too painful, I wished I could stop it. I just wish I can vanish from here.
Things were under me on the dashboard; a text book, lip gloss, and a half page torn from my notebook soaked in tears. I stretched my fingers and slided the paper closer to me. I cried more. I needed him now. If he was here now he would have protected me somehow, saved me. Voices now were all around me; I was facing the six-wheeler, so I couldn't see anyone.
Someone: i5ti ?! Feech shay? T3awartay??
Is that a damn question to ask? Can't he see that am covered in blood and stuck in here?
Me: 6al3ooni.. Plz 6al3ooni magdar asta7mil
My voice was obvious, even though I tried to cover my fear and sobs. I was in pain beyond imagination.
Someone else: ilma6afi wil is3af yayeen, intay 5aleech ma3ana bas.
I was hearing many voices. Ppl talking to eachother, ppl on the phone; and then, a voice that I longed to hear, talking to someone, I supposed on the phone.
Voice: cancel all my meetings for tonite and the three days following today.
(Pause...)
La mako shay, bas am gonna be busy. So cancel kilshay, o don't reschedule laima aridlik 5abar.
I was shivering. Was it him? Was it really him? If it was, why didn't he come talk to me? Why didn't he do anything. I cried more. I was sobbing hard now. Someone was patting my foot through the shattered window, mumbling that help will be here soon.
A few minutes had passed since the crash happened. Every part of me was screaming with pain, wanting to be released and thrown into nothingness. My whole life was going to end. I closed my eyes, into the so-called nothingness, releived that the person that I was starting to love, was at least a few feet away from my dying body...
21.9.09
Part Five
I walked around my car so that I was between mine, and his. I looked at the blackness, where I imagined his face would be. Shako ta'3yeem ya3ni? I couldn't see a thing. I looked around. No one. I quickly tucked my letter in the door handle. I gave the blackness another glare. I wish I could just get a glimpse. But no, nothing. I sighed, and turned my back on the car, on my way to go to my quiz, (which I know i'll write nothing sensible in) wondering if wut I did was considered sane, or otherwise....
*********************************************************************************
I went to class feeling numb. I doodled through my quiz; wut do I care about a stupid quiz when I just did the most daring thing in my life? I noticed the professor eyeing me wearily.. After ten minutes of doodling, I went to hand in my quiz.
Dr a7mad: zaina? Feech shay?
Me: ana? La dr, shfeeni?
Dr a7mad (pointing at the scribbles on my paper) : hatha mo shi'3il ash6ar wa7da in my class
Me (blushing with the long lost compliment): mo darsa dr..
Dr a7mad: aah.. Ok wutever the reason is, shidday 7ailich. I don't want to have to fail one of my best students
Me: inshallah dr...
I shot out of class. Nag9a ana fashla? I walked around a bit not knowing wut to do with myself. I went to the usual place we sit at me and ma3ali. She was there, with a grumpy face. Wellaaiiin, akeed m3a9ba. I walked over and sat down beside her, silently.
Ma3ali: la wallah? Wainich min ams adig 3alaich jihazich msakkar?! Yannait wana am callin u!!
Me: sorry wallah sorry.. Kint mithayga oo mali 5ilg 7atta nafsi fa sakkart il jihaz..
Ma3ali: isharha 3alay illi ga3da a7ateech :(
Me: ooooh ma3ali yalla 3aaaad... Mwah yalla la tiz3ileen ;*
Ma3ali: ee ashwa ba3ad hehe ;p
Me: mmm ma3ali? Bagoolich shay..
Ma3ali: goolay
Me: err.. Umm..
Ma3ali: ya waili shimsawya!!
Me: ha.. Inzain agoolich bas la t3a9been?
I told her simply of wut I had done. Her eyes were popping a bit more with every word I say. Omg was it that bad?
Me: oo bas :s
Ma3ali: zayoon? Wallah ti6la3 minnich 7arakat!! Oo laish 5asha 3anni inna ga3id yil7igich kil mukan?! Oo la7tha ta3alay hatha ma 3inda shi'3iiil diraasaa shay isawee b7ayaata?!
Me: mmm madri.. Kaifa 5al ysawi illi yabi intay shako?
Ma3ali: yaaaa 3aini illi itdaafi3 3anna min al7eeeen ;)
Me: hehe chub ;$
The day was over and I had to go home. I was hoping I would find him still parked beside my car. But no he wasn't. Like DUH he must have other stuff to do other than stalking me. I walked to my car, the car lot already more than half empty. I was thinking of wut to do when I get home.. There's a project that I need to start working on.. I'll straighten my hair for tomorrow.. I'll do some jogging on the treadmill.. I'll start working on the... And then it caught my eye.. From a few meters away from my car.. I saw it. The same page I ripped from my note in the morning. Tucked into the door handle just as I had done, was the paper I gave him this morning. I was frozen in my steps. No way. He turned me down? Ubbay.. Ubbay.. Olla yal fashla.. Ubbay la ykoon it was someone else's car? Wut if he wasn't following me after all? My eyes started to tear.. I heard footsteps behind me.. Urgh! It was a guy I know in my major.. 7adda lazga o he just waits for the chance to chat about anything. I moved on to my car before he could start another stupid conversation.
I got to my door, looking down at my note sadly. First time I make a move and I get turned down. Well that's a lesson to learn. I took the note and opened the door. I threw in my bag with the note and threw myself over the seat. Wait.. Wasn't the note a whole page that I had ripped? This looked like a half page.. I half jumped over to pick it up. I was so eager to open it that I fumbled and took more time than I should.. I opened it and my eyes went as wide as they ever could be..
Sorry I haven't got any paper, I had to rip urs in half.. Wanted to keep ur piece if u don't mind..
Am really sorry that wut am doing is bothering u.. I wasn't aware that u had seen me following u.. But I promise u won't see me again.. Just take care of urself..
PS: I love ur eyes
*********************************************************************************
I went to class feeling numb. I doodled through my quiz; wut do I care about a stupid quiz when I just did the most daring thing in my life? I noticed the professor eyeing me wearily.. After ten minutes of doodling, I went to hand in my quiz.
Dr a7mad: zaina? Feech shay?
Me: ana? La dr, shfeeni?
Dr a7mad (pointing at the scribbles on my paper) : hatha mo shi'3il ash6ar wa7da in my class
Me (blushing with the long lost compliment): mo darsa dr..
Dr a7mad: aah.. Ok wutever the reason is, shidday 7ailich. I don't want to have to fail one of my best students
Me: inshallah dr...
I shot out of class. Nag9a ana fashla? I walked around a bit not knowing wut to do with myself. I went to the usual place we sit at me and ma3ali. She was there, with a grumpy face. Wellaaiiin, akeed m3a9ba. I walked over and sat down beside her, silently.
Ma3ali: la wallah? Wainich min ams adig 3alaich jihazich msakkar?! Yannait wana am callin u!!
Me: sorry wallah sorry.. Kint mithayga oo mali 5ilg 7atta nafsi fa sakkart il jihaz..
Ma3ali: isharha 3alay illi ga3da a7ateech :(
Me: ooooh ma3ali yalla 3aaaad... Mwah yalla la tiz3ileen ;*
Ma3ali: ee ashwa ba3ad hehe ;p
Me: mmm ma3ali? Bagoolich shay..
Ma3ali: goolay
Me: err.. Umm..
Ma3ali: ya waili shimsawya!!
Me: ha.. Inzain agoolich bas la t3a9been?
I told her simply of wut I had done. Her eyes were popping a bit more with every word I say. Omg was it that bad?
Me: oo bas :s
Ma3ali: zayoon? Wallah ti6la3 minnich 7arakat!! Oo laish 5asha 3anni inna ga3id yil7igich kil mukan?! Oo la7tha ta3alay hatha ma 3inda shi'3iiil diraasaa shay isawee b7ayaata?!
Me: mmm madri.. Kaifa 5al ysawi illi yabi intay shako?
Ma3ali: yaaaa 3aini illi itdaafi3 3anna min al7eeeen ;)
Me: hehe chub ;$
The day was over and I had to go home. I was hoping I would find him still parked beside my car. But no he wasn't. Like DUH he must have other stuff to do other than stalking me. I walked to my car, the car lot already more than half empty. I was thinking of wut to do when I get home.. There's a project that I need to start working on.. I'll straighten my hair for tomorrow.. I'll do some jogging on the treadmill.. I'll start working on the... And then it caught my eye.. From a few meters away from my car.. I saw it. The same page I ripped from my note in the morning. Tucked into the door handle just as I had done, was the paper I gave him this morning. I was frozen in my steps. No way. He turned me down? Ubbay.. Ubbay.. Olla yal fashla.. Ubbay la ykoon it was someone else's car? Wut if he wasn't following me after all? My eyes started to tear.. I heard footsteps behind me.. Urgh! It was a guy I know in my major.. 7adda lazga o he just waits for the chance to chat about anything. I moved on to my car before he could start another stupid conversation.
I got to my door, looking down at my note sadly. First time I make a move and I get turned down. Well that's a lesson to learn. I took the note and opened the door. I threw in my bag with the note and threw myself over the seat. Wait.. Wasn't the note a whole page that I had ripped? This looked like a half page.. I half jumped over to pick it up. I was so eager to open it that I fumbled and took more time than I should.. I opened it and my eyes went as wide as they ever could be..
Sorry I haven't got any paper, I had to rip urs in half.. Wanted to keep ur piece if u don't mind..
Am really sorry that wut am doing is bothering u.. I wasn't aware that u had seen me following u.. But I promise u won't see me again.. Just take care of urself..
PS: I love ur eyes
I hugged the paper and realized, with tears starting to fall, that my stupidness was going to end his stalking that I had fallen in love with...
19.9.09
Part Four
A9lan why would he stalk me that way? It must be a weird coincidence with that car... T3awatht min ishai6an, and went inside the house to greet the ppl that I hated so much..
*********************************************************************************
It was a horrible day. Those show offs won't stop their habit of glaring at everything and ANYTHING. I tried to take my grandma's advise as much as I can: just act cool. "Bas mama 3oda shloun!! Shoofay nathrat'hum shloun 5aysa!! Tabeeni askit?!" She would just smile and give me a lecture about patience and how rabbi bya5ithli 7aggi minhum. But that was never me. I like to do things myself... physically :$ But that day, I just contained myself and flashed smiles at whoever was looking; I had a more important topic on my mind. My mind drifted back and forth through today's events. Was I caring too much about it? Or was this really happening? I've always wished for a love story, but I also always beleived that such stories only existed in fairy tales. La7tha shyab 6ari love bithab6?? 7addi mista3eela... Ifff..
I was the last to leave grandma's house. On the way back, I made sure than there was no black porsche, and no car of any color or type stalking me. I arrived home to find an empty garage. 5alti sara usually stays late at her parents' place. Baba must be somewhere with his friends.
**********************************************************************************
I was exausted. So were 5aloodi and faroo7a, thank God. I put them to bed and went to my room. I changed into my pj's; a white spaghetti strapped top with hugging teddy bears, and matching shorts. I tucked into bed, diving into my pillow. I just wanted to doze off, I was tired of thinking all day. Even though wut happened wasn't much, but it made me happy. My mind swifted into sleep, remembering his smile...
*********************************************************************************
A few days passed, normally. I didn't see any more signs of that guy. Looks like I was too tired that day and was hallucinating more than I should've! I got back to my normal life: agoom i9ib7 get ready for ilkulliya, dress faroo7a for school, drop her off, and then off to uni! Of course on the first day back, ma3ali interrogated me like hell.
Ma3ali: yalla i3tarfay shimsawya
Me: shino?!
Ma3ali: lemma daggait 3alaich wintay 6al3a bil 3eed. Ashkara kan fe shay! Yalla goolay goolay
I involuntarily blushed. Shako?! Ya3ni lazim afashil 3umri jidamha?!?!
Ma3ali: haaa.. Ashoof ilwayh mu3abbir.. Goolay goolay yalla
Me: waay ubbay shfeech.. A9lan mako salfa
Ma3ali: ashkara chathaba
Me: ifffff.. Yoba ee fe salfa zain?
Ma3ali: ee zain.. Yalla gooleeha :D
Me: lol...inzain...
I told her in detail wut happened that weird day. She was excited to hear it; over-excited in fact...
Ma3ali: inzain oo waina al7een?!
Me: ib bait'hum.. Shdarani ana. Min youmha ma shifta again.
Ma3ali: la wallah? 3ugub kil hatha 5ala9 mako shay?
Ohwa it wasn't really mako shay, but I didn't want to say cuz I wasn't really sure. I've seen that car so many times more after that. 3ind baitna, bil parking mal uni, 3ind grandma's. But never did anything happen. It was making me go mad. Why is he following me around if he isn't going to make a move? Ya3ni mo ma3qoola 9idfa ba3ad inna that car is everywhere I go, I memorized the plate number so I wouldn't mistaken it for another car.
Its been a month 3ala hal 7ala, I would catch him following me at least 5 or 6 times a week. Bas its making me feel.. I don't know wth its making me feel!! Ya3ni tikfa lay mita? Why aren't u doing ur next move oo tfikni!! Or stop doing this all together!! I just couldn't take it anymore. Am tired of thinking about him, missing him when a day passes without catching a glimpse of him or his car. It turned into an obsession; my unknown escort.
And one day I had had enough. I was waiting in my car for class. Mali 5ilg ag3ad wiyya anyone or hear anyone talk. I was looking through my notes, as if it was a review for my quiz. I wasn't really seeing the pages in front of me, just flipping through the pages; something to keep my hands busy. A car parked beside me; I didn't look up. I was too into my thoughts for any distractions; was I really missing him? Am I actually mad that 2 days had passed since I'd seen him? I turned in my seat to reach for my bag, and here was the surprize. Right beside my car, a few feet away from me, was the car I so longed to see: the black porsche. I was filled with emotions; I was happy that he's here, sad that it had turned into a horrible addiction, and I was longing to see the handsome face behind those darn blackened windows.
I was too overwhelmed. I wasn't thinking straight. I took out a pen from my bag. My hand was shivering. I decided to end this misery, whether with a happy ending or whatever, this mess am in is going to end. I flipped to a new page in my notebook. I wrote in my neatest writing (aham shay inna I care how he thinks of my handwriting):
Please, u either stop this, or DO something worthy. Thank u.
I folded the note. I was thinking real quick. Was this wrong? Wut if this was all coincidence? Wut if I got this all wrong? I didn't know wut to do. I had to decide real quick, there was 5 minutes til class. I decided to go through with it. I opened my car trying to steady my breath. I looked at myself in the reflection of my car. Good. Now do it. I walked around my car so that I was between mine, and his. I looked at the blackness, where I imagined his face would be. Shako ta'3yeem ya3ni? I couldn't see a thing. I looked around. No one. I quickly tucked my letter in the door handle. I gave the blackness another glare. I wish I could just get a glimpse. But no, nothing.
I sighed, and turned my back on the car, on my way to go to my quiz, (which I know i'll write nothing sensible in) wondering if wut I did was considered sane, or otherwise....
18.9.09
Part Three
The guy was approaching us.. Umbay min 9ijja?!?! I was on the verge of tears, madri shako, 5ayfa ysawi filim jidam inas... I got into the car just as he was getting right in front of our car........
*********************************************************************************
Nathra guy: isalam 3alaikom..
Baba: wa3alaykom isalam ?
Nathra guy: 3ammi asif 3al iz3aj.. Bas 7abbait ayeeblik mobilik.. Nisaita 3ala i6awla bil ma63am..
OH MY GOD.. Was I dreaming? Up close, he looked as handsome as ever.. He was tall, WAY taller than I was, broad shoulders, with a perfect body. He was just a bit muscular, not over done. His skin was lightly tanned with dirty li7ya oo mbayin under his '3itra inna he was mgarri3. Aaaahhh... <3
Baba: oh! ee wallah mo ma3ay jihazi.. Mashkoor oo ma ga99art, allah ykathir min amthalik shabab liq8 i6aybeen
The guy smiled the most heartbreaking smile.. Did he have to look so nice??
"Him": affa 3alaik 3ammi.. Ma sawaina shay illa il wajib
Baba: tislam wallah ma ga99art
"Him": allah ysalmik 3ammi.. Yalla 3an ithnik
Just as he was turning to leave, his eyes were on me for a few seconds. I saw a hint of a smile on his lips.. Omg omg omg.. I blushed so hard I thought my face was going to melt.. Wut a coincidence illi baba nisa his mobile on the table!! I was quiet all the way home, thinking of this wierd guy.. Why was he so interested? Ya3ni ok I do look nice, bas chinna he's over-doing his "am-interested-in-u" show? Madri it was all dreamlike.. La7tha la7tha.. Am actually thinking about a guy?! Min mita? That SO isn't me!! Ma3qoola am changing so fast after I've seen him? Min 9ijji ana.. Illi yisma3 ygool he proposed or something.. Uffff...
*********************************************************************************
I spent an hour or so at home freshenin' up. 5alti sara was off to her parent's gathering, leaving behind 5aloodi oo faroo7a. Baba was taking his nap. I was ready to leave for my grandma's. We went outside to the car. The fireej was full of cars; everyone ought to be visiting today..
I knelt into the backseat to fasten 5aloodi into his childseat. As I was fastening his belt, I got the feeling of being watched. I looked up only to see faroo7a babbling about how she didn't like how her hair was falling over her shoulders. No that wasn't it. I have the feeling that someone I CAN'T see is watching me. I shut the door and look around. There wasn't anyone standing on the street except me. I looked at the cars. No one. But... There's this black Porsche.. the windows were so dark. I had the feeling that there was someone behind those windows. I got goosebumps all over me. I quickly got into my car and shut the door. I pressed the LOCK button. Ubbay wuts happening? Shfeeni? Ana faj2a am getting freaked out because of sayara m'3ayima?! ME?! Ana illi a5arri3 deera, now 5ayfa min something so stupid.. Come on zayoon seriously.. Toughen up ur not like that..
On the way to grandma's my thoughts drifted back to the guy at burger boutique. Could it possibly be..? But why!! Ya3ni ok diraina he was mtanni7 3alay, oo he smiled a bit.. Bas so wut!! Yimkin tatnee7ta was just like mine, sar7an in another world with his eyes resting on my space. But his looks weren't as if he was daydreaming. He was WATCHING me. Aaaah am starting to get paranoid. I tried to concentrate on my way.. I glanced at the rearview mirror.. Was that a black porsche that I just saw? I look around.. Left.. right... Nothing... Ubbay la2 ga3da ayin!!!
It took me a long time til I found a place to park my car. Shakla lots of ppl are here already. I opened my door and went to the other side of my car to take out 5alood.. That took some time too.. With faroo7a pulling at my curls..
Faroo7a: Noona noona abi cuwly!!
Me: la 7abeebty al7een 5ala9 ma nigdar insawee curly
Faroo7a: why u make and me no? :(
Me: sweety ana sha3ri chithee.. I don't make it!!
Faroo7a: (pulling harder) mabi mabi!! Abi same u!!
Me: 5ala9 2nite asaweelich.. Ok 7ayaty?
Faroo7a: ok :D
Wih.. Ma a9addig'ha.. Smillah 3alaiha t3arif more than she ought to, oo ana illi mitwahga! At last, I unbuckled 5alood from his seat. He adorably reached out for me; I love those kids as if they were my own, 7asafa wallah tkoon hathi umhum... I picked him up hugging and kissing him ;*
I took faroo7a by her hand and we walked to my grandma's, I parked a bit far. As we reached the door, I definitely saw it, and HIM. There, a little farther, was the black porsche. The sun was at an angle that made the windows see-through just enough to see a shape inside. I wouldn't mistake that shape; the broad shoulders, nazfat il '3itra... My heart thumped as hard as it had ever done, I was afraid it would come right out of my chest. My breathing was heavy, I was afraid of dropping 5alid. I quickened my steps, I just wanted to get past that door. I got closer to the house, and I broke into a sprint. In a few seconds, I was inside. But.. he didn't as much as open his car door. Umm.. Did I just make a fool of myself, sprinting faj2a chinni dasha the olympics? I peeked through the door; he was still there. Was I hallucinating or something? Yimkin its someone else, ya3ni shino mako a7ad '3aira with broad shoulders? A9lan why would he stalk me that way? It must be a weird coincidence with that car... T3awatht min ishai6an, and went inside the house to greet the ppl that I hated so much..
*********************************************************************************
Nathra guy: isalam 3alaikom..
Baba: wa3alaykom isalam ?
Nathra guy: 3ammi asif 3al iz3aj.. Bas 7abbait ayeeblik mobilik.. Nisaita 3ala i6awla bil ma63am..
OH MY GOD.. Was I dreaming? Up close, he looked as handsome as ever.. He was tall, WAY taller than I was, broad shoulders, with a perfect body. He was just a bit muscular, not over done. His skin was lightly tanned with dirty li7ya oo mbayin under his '3itra inna he was mgarri3. Aaaahhh... <3
Baba: oh! ee wallah mo ma3ay jihazi.. Mashkoor oo ma ga99art, allah ykathir min amthalik shabab liq8 i6aybeen
The guy smiled the most heartbreaking smile.. Did he have to look so nice??
"Him": affa 3alaik 3ammi.. Ma sawaina shay illa il wajib
Baba: tislam wallah ma ga99art
"Him": allah ysalmik 3ammi.. Yalla 3an ithnik
Just as he was turning to leave, his eyes were on me for a few seconds. I saw a hint of a smile on his lips.. Omg omg omg.. I blushed so hard I thought my face was going to melt.. Wut a coincidence illi baba nisa his mobile on the table!! I was quiet all the way home, thinking of this wierd guy.. Why was he so interested? Ya3ni ok I do look nice, bas chinna he's over-doing his "am-interested-in-u" show? Madri it was all dreamlike.. La7tha la7tha.. Am actually thinking about a guy?! Min mita? That SO isn't me!! Ma3qoola am changing so fast after I've seen him? Min 9ijji ana.. Illi yisma3 ygool he proposed or something.. Uffff...
*********************************************************************************
I spent an hour or so at home freshenin' up. 5alti sara was off to her parent's gathering, leaving behind 5aloodi oo faroo7a. Baba was taking his nap. I was ready to leave for my grandma's. We went outside to the car. The fireej was full of cars; everyone ought to be visiting today..
I knelt into the backseat to fasten 5aloodi into his childseat. As I was fastening his belt, I got the feeling of being watched. I looked up only to see faroo7a babbling about how she didn't like how her hair was falling over her shoulders. No that wasn't it. I have the feeling that someone I CAN'T see is watching me. I shut the door and look around. There wasn't anyone standing on the street except me. I looked at the cars. No one. But... There's this black Porsche.. the windows were so dark. I had the feeling that there was someone behind those windows. I got goosebumps all over me. I quickly got into my car and shut the door. I pressed the LOCK button. Ubbay wuts happening? Shfeeni? Ana faj2a am getting freaked out because of sayara m'3ayima?! ME?! Ana illi a5arri3 deera, now 5ayfa min something so stupid.. Come on zayoon seriously.. Toughen up ur not like that..
On the way to grandma's my thoughts drifted back to the guy at burger boutique. Could it possibly be..? But why!! Ya3ni ok diraina he was mtanni7 3alay, oo he smiled a bit.. Bas so wut!! Yimkin tatnee7ta was just like mine, sar7an in another world with his eyes resting on my space. But his looks weren't as if he was daydreaming. He was WATCHING me. Aaaah am starting to get paranoid. I tried to concentrate on my way.. I glanced at the rearview mirror.. Was that a black porsche that I just saw? I look around.. Left.. right... Nothing... Ubbay la2 ga3da ayin!!!
It took me a long time til I found a place to park my car. Shakla lots of ppl are here already. I opened my door and went to the other side of my car to take out 5alood.. That took some time too.. With faroo7a pulling at my curls..
Faroo7a: Noona noona abi cuwly!!
Me: la 7abeebty al7een 5ala9 ma nigdar insawee curly
Faroo7a: why u make and me no? :(
Me: sweety ana sha3ri chithee.. I don't make it!!
Faroo7a: (pulling harder) mabi mabi!! Abi same u!!
Me: 5ala9 2nite asaweelich.. Ok 7ayaty?
Faroo7a: ok :D
Wih.. Ma a9addig'ha.. Smillah 3alaiha t3arif more than she ought to, oo ana illi mitwahga! At last, I unbuckled 5alood from his seat. He adorably reached out for me; I love those kids as if they were my own, 7asafa wallah tkoon hathi umhum... I picked him up hugging and kissing him ;*
I took faroo7a by her hand and we walked to my grandma's, I parked a bit far. As we reached the door, I definitely saw it, and HIM. There, a little farther, was the black porsche. The sun was at an angle that made the windows see-through just enough to see a shape inside. I wouldn't mistake that shape; the broad shoulders, nazfat il '3itra... My heart thumped as hard as it had ever done, I was afraid it would come right out of my chest. My breathing was heavy, I was afraid of dropping 5alid. I quickened my steps, I just wanted to get past that door. I got closer to the house, and I broke into a sprint. In a few seconds, I was inside. But.. he didn't as much as open his car door. Umm.. Did I just make a fool of myself, sprinting faj2a chinni dasha the olympics? I peeked through the door; he was still there. Was I hallucinating or something? Yimkin its someone else, ya3ni shino mako a7ad '3aira with broad shoulders? A9lan why would he stalk me that way? It must be a weird coincidence with that car... T3awatht min ishai6an, and went inside the house to greet the ppl that I hated so much..
17.9.09
Part Two
Baba: sara.. Bas 3ad.. Ilyoum 3eed, la taksireen ib 5a6ir libnaya..
Sara: wallah shoof 3amayilha!!
Baba: 5ala9 7a9al 5air.. Yalla yoba mishaina..
Baba carries 5aloodi, oo 5alti sara takes faroo7a by the hand and they all go to the door, me trailing behind..
*********************************************************************************
We took our usual tour...Bait 3ammi.. Bait 3ammiti.. Bait yaddi.. Bait yadditi.. Can't those ppl stop fighting so we can have 1 big gathering for all of us so we can just meet at one place bidal hal frara?! And of course, 5alti sara goes to visit her family after going on our tour with baba. I rather stay behind to spare the glares that I get..
After going through all of that pain, it was nearly 1 pm.
Baba: yoba shraykom nit'3ada barra?
Me: 3ala ra7tik yoba
Sara: min si2alich intay? Ee ee 5al nroo7 mukan bidal 5angat il bait
Baba: (giving her a nathra).. Yoba zaina wain widdich nit'3adda?
Me: 3adi yoba ay mukan
Faroo7a: baba! Baba! Abi buwgew buteek!!
Baba: ehehe.. Shrayich yoba?
Me: hehe 5ala9 illi tabeeh faroo7a yamshi!
Baba: 5ala9 ok..
We were all quiet on the way. Except for 5alti sara, she kept whining about that watch she saw madri mino min il 7areem wearing. She wants one. I was sure it was WAY baba's ability to get it for her. Wallah yaksir 5a6ri, ya3ni isn't it enough inna ya9rif 3ala ahlich oo 5wanich il ba6aliyeen?! Allah y3eenik baba.. We got to alraya, the usual place ppl yaboon yitrazizoun bil 3eed. Groups of guys were everywhere. They all looked cute in their dishdasha oo '3itra. For some reason shababna ma y9eeroon tikana chithe illa during 3eed.. We went up to Burger Boutique and got a table. To me it wasn't any different if I was home or here. I would be left out anyway, unless faroo7a had something to show me, a cockroach she caught or a spider that she put in her mouth. We placed our order, baba and 5alti sara were so into their conversation, faroo7a teaching 5aloodi a new language of her own.. I looked around. Everyone looked so happy, either with family or friends, or with their spouses.. Aaah, mita ya rabbi..
I was in another world, I wasn't really SEEING wut was in front of me. It took me time to realize inni mtan7a 3ala wayh the guy at the other table. He was watching me, with a look I couldn't recognize. Was it i7tiqar? Or kasra 5a6ra or something? I lowered my eyes, mabi yroo7 mu55a b3eed.. I was never into hasowalif.. A6ay7a wi6ayi7ni oo madri shino.. That would be a too shallow life for me. While I was making up my mind on what his face said,
"We met for a moment, and then its goodbye.. I just lived a lifetime, with u in my mind.."
It was my phone. Waaay la2!! Did it have to be that song?! And right in front of this guy 3ugub ma 5azzaita chinni mo shayfa 5air!! :s I fumbled in my bag til I got the damn phone. The screen glowed "Mimi"... Aaaahh, always calling bil awqat il '3ala6.
Me: aloo (my face red with a mix of fury and blush)
Ma3ali: ahlaaaaan.. 3eedich imbarak!!
Me: hala ma3ali.. Ayamich sa3eeda ( my tone wasn't as happy as my words)
Ma3ali: shfeech? Ee akeed isa7ra mthaygitich!!
Me: what? La la it isn't that.. U just.. called at the wrong time...
Ma3ali: laish ba3aaaad!! Ya kithir ma tgooleenli hal jumla!! Sh3indich wainich wut are u doing????
Me: waaay waaay wa7da wa7da yam3awda kalaiteeni.. (My tone getting softer as she made me laugh..)
My eyes flickered towards the guy "bu nathrat".. He was still watching me.. My face just got into a deeper blush.. Wth is he looking at?! I just noticed his family with him at the table.. 2 older boys, and a girl that looks younger than he is. And his parents. They were all immersed in conversation. Kan widdi a36ee 6rag agoola have fun with ur family while u can stupid!! Was I more interesting? I wonder wuts going through his mind right now.. I forgot ma3ali on the phone..
Ma3ali: ALOOOO!!!
Me: huh? Ee aloo shfeech it9ar5een?
Ma3ali: la mintay 6abee3iya.. 9arli sa3a asolif wintay shaklich ib 3alam thani!!
Me: giltlich wagtich '3ala6 (I said in a whisper, mala da3i yisma3ni oo he starts to think too much of himself..)
Ma3ali: aahaaaa.. Wallah shaklich warach salfa ya zayoon!! Ok just call me back asap!! Ok??
Me: ok 5ala9.. Yalla bye!
Ma3ali: bye..
Whew.. Ma3ali killa kashfatni.. Bas wallah I love her so much <3
We met 3 years ago bil jam3a, in one of our classes together. She was simply the bestest friend. Ya3ni if someone asks me for a definition for friendship, I would say ma3ali ;*
I put my phone back in my bag.. I looked up in time to see the guy's mother looking from him to me.. Giving me a7qar nathra marrat 3alay in my 21 years of a lifetime.. Ouch, did he have to be so obvious in front of them? Madri wuts his problem shfeeh y5iz chithee?
Baba: yalla yoba mishaina?
Me: ee ee ( I was in a hurry to get out of this guy's sight)
We got out and went to our car. Just as I was getting in the backseat after 5aloodi oo faroo7a, I notice the silhouette I've been staring at for the past hour coming our way.. I was stunned. I stood at the door watching him coming our way. Min 9ijja hatha?! Wut is he thinking!!! I was frozen in my place, mo gadra adish il car. I was too afraid of wut he was gonna do. I've heard lots of stories of guys who do stupid things to girls even if the parents were present. Would he? He didn't look like the type that would, but who knows?! They all got in the car, baba looking at me as he got in.
Baba: yoba zaina shfeech yalla dishay!
Me: ha? Umm.. Ee yalla..
The guy was approaching us.. Umbay min 9ijja?!?! I was on the verge of tears, madri shako, 5ayfa ysawi filim jidam inas... I got into the car just as he was getting right in front of our car........
Sara: wallah shoof 3amayilha!!
Baba: 5ala9 7a9al 5air.. Yalla yoba mishaina..
Baba carries 5aloodi, oo 5alti sara takes faroo7a by the hand and they all go to the door, me trailing behind..
*********************************************************************************
We took our usual tour...Bait 3ammi.. Bait 3ammiti.. Bait yaddi.. Bait yadditi.. Can't those ppl stop fighting so we can have 1 big gathering for all of us so we can just meet at one place bidal hal frara?! And of course, 5alti sara goes to visit her family after going on our tour with baba. I rather stay behind to spare the glares that I get..
After going through all of that pain, it was nearly 1 pm.
Baba: yoba shraykom nit'3ada barra?
Me: 3ala ra7tik yoba
Sara: min si2alich intay? Ee ee 5al nroo7 mukan bidal 5angat il bait
Baba: (giving her a nathra).. Yoba zaina wain widdich nit'3adda?
Me: 3adi yoba ay mukan
Faroo7a: baba! Baba! Abi buwgew buteek!!
Baba: ehehe.. Shrayich yoba?
Me: hehe 5ala9 illi tabeeh faroo7a yamshi!
Baba: 5ala9 ok..
We were all quiet on the way. Except for 5alti sara, she kept whining about that watch she saw madri mino min il 7areem wearing. She wants one. I was sure it was WAY baba's ability to get it for her. Wallah yaksir 5a6ri, ya3ni isn't it enough inna ya9rif 3ala ahlich oo 5wanich il ba6aliyeen?! Allah y3eenik baba.. We got to alraya, the usual place ppl yaboon yitrazizoun bil 3eed. Groups of guys were everywhere. They all looked cute in their dishdasha oo '3itra. For some reason shababna ma y9eeroon tikana chithe illa during 3eed.. We went up to Burger Boutique and got a table. To me it wasn't any different if I was home or here. I would be left out anyway, unless faroo7a had something to show me, a cockroach she caught or a spider that she put in her mouth. We placed our order, baba and 5alti sara were so into their conversation, faroo7a teaching 5aloodi a new language of her own.. I looked around. Everyone looked so happy, either with family or friends, or with their spouses.. Aaah, mita ya rabbi..
I was in another world, I wasn't really SEEING wut was in front of me. It took me time to realize inni mtan7a 3ala wayh the guy at the other table. He was watching me, with a look I couldn't recognize. Was it i7tiqar? Or kasra 5a6ra or something? I lowered my eyes, mabi yroo7 mu55a b3eed.. I was never into hasowalif.. A6ay7a wi6ayi7ni oo madri shino.. That would be a too shallow life for me. While I was making up my mind on what his face said,
"We met for a moment, and then its goodbye.. I just lived a lifetime, with u in my mind.."
It was my phone. Waaay la2!! Did it have to be that song?! And right in front of this guy 3ugub ma 5azzaita chinni mo shayfa 5air!! :s I fumbled in my bag til I got the damn phone. The screen glowed "Mimi"... Aaaahh, always calling bil awqat il '3ala6.
Me: aloo (my face red with a mix of fury and blush)
Ma3ali: ahlaaaaan.. 3eedich imbarak!!
Me: hala ma3ali.. Ayamich sa3eeda ( my tone wasn't as happy as my words)
Ma3ali: shfeech? Ee akeed isa7ra mthaygitich!!
Me: what? La la it isn't that.. U just.. called at the wrong time...
Ma3ali: laish ba3aaaad!! Ya kithir ma tgooleenli hal jumla!! Sh3indich wainich wut are u doing????
Me: waaay waaay wa7da wa7da yam3awda kalaiteeni.. (My tone getting softer as she made me laugh..)
My eyes flickered towards the guy "bu nathrat".. He was still watching me.. My face just got into a deeper blush.. Wth is he looking at?! I just noticed his family with him at the table.. 2 older boys, and a girl that looks younger than he is. And his parents. They were all immersed in conversation. Kan widdi a36ee 6rag agoola have fun with ur family while u can stupid!! Was I more interesting? I wonder wuts going through his mind right now.. I forgot ma3ali on the phone..
Ma3ali: ALOOOO!!!
Me: huh? Ee aloo shfeech it9ar5een?
Ma3ali: la mintay 6abee3iya.. 9arli sa3a asolif wintay shaklich ib 3alam thani!!
Me: giltlich wagtich '3ala6 (I said in a whisper, mala da3i yisma3ni oo he starts to think too much of himself..)
Ma3ali: aahaaaa.. Wallah shaklich warach salfa ya zayoon!! Ok just call me back asap!! Ok??
Me: ok 5ala9.. Yalla bye!
Ma3ali: bye..
Whew.. Ma3ali killa kashfatni.. Bas wallah I love her so much <3
We met 3 years ago bil jam3a, in one of our classes together. She was simply the bestest friend. Ya3ni if someone asks me for a definition for friendship, I would say ma3ali ;*
I put my phone back in my bag.. I looked up in time to see the guy's mother looking from him to me.. Giving me a7qar nathra marrat 3alay in my 21 years of a lifetime.. Ouch, did he have to be so obvious in front of them? Madri wuts his problem shfeeh y5iz chithee?
Baba: yalla yoba mishaina?
Me: ee ee ( I was in a hurry to get out of this guy's sight)
We got out and went to our car. Just as I was getting in the backseat after 5aloodi oo faroo7a, I notice the silhouette I've been staring at for the past hour coming our way.. I was stunned. I stood at the door watching him coming our way. Min 9ijja hatha?! Wut is he thinking!!! I was frozen in my place, mo gadra adish il car. I was too afraid of wut he was gonna do. I've heard lots of stories of guys who do stupid things to girls even if the parents were present. Would he? He didn't look like the type that would, but who knows?! They all got in the car, baba looking at me as he got in.
Baba: yoba zaina shfeech yalla dishay!
Me: ha? Umm.. Ee yalla..
The guy was approaching us.. Umbay min 9ijja?!?! I was on the verge of tears, madri shako, 5ayfa ysawi filim jidam inas... I got into the car just as he was getting right in front of our car........
16.9.09
Part One
"ZAINO O WAY3A!!"
Sigh. A new day. Again. I always thought that I would get used to hal wath3, but obviously I still didn't. Omg tawni astaw3ib! Ilyoum il3eed!! No wonder she's yelling like that.. I should get the kids washed up and ready for the usual 3eed tour..
I quickly get up from my too-small bed, get into the bathroom real quick, and go sprinting to the 2 kids; my half-sister and brother."Faroo7a, 5aloodi, yalla goomaw ilyoum il3eed!! Bsir3a 3ashan Mama Sara ma t3a99ib!!" They both try to open their eyes against the light, with those sweet, innocent smiles. ;*
"Yalla yalla bsir3a insawwi subbai7a!" I try to say it as enthusiastically as I can. Am as much as sleepy as they are; I hardly slept an hour or two..I pick up 5aloodi and hold Faroo7a's hand and go to the bathroom. When I put them both in the water, they think its like every bath I give them. We usually play a little with their water toys, and then we take the real shower.
"La la Faroo7a ilyoum no playing!! We have to go down! Mama and Baba are waiting for u!"
She gives me a nathra that I don't like, and gives up to the shower.We finish up real quick, and I start to dress them up in their brand new clothes. Faroo7a is so happy with her new dress. 5aloodi is still too young to realize anything as such.I dress up as quick as I can, into my not-so-new clothes. 5alti Sara thought it was a waste to spend money on new clothes for me. I didn't care much about that. Its been that way for a long time now, ever since she came into our lives. Plus she was still mad that Baba bought me the new BMW. I never really asked for it. I kept saying that any car will do, but he was trying to make me happy with something nice. After all, we ARE middle-classed, I knew he would have a hard time paying for something expensive. I mean, I WAS happy with it, but nothing seems to make me happy enough after Mama was gone..
Anyway, I applied some light makeup, just some mascara and light blush and some lite pink lip gloss. I think I looked sweet even though my baby pink dress wasn't that much to look at. "Anything will do" I thought in my head. "3ad min bishoofni, prince charming mathalan? Ufff.."
I rushed downstairs with Faroo7a and 5aloodi to find baba and 5alti sara waiting..
Me: 9aba7 il5air.. 3eedkom imbarak
Baba: 9aba7 inoor hala ib binti zainat ilbanat.. Ayamich sa3eeda yoba
I kiss his forehead with a smile on my face.. He was the best dad ever.
Sara: tawinas? Shrayich itna6reenna cham sa3a zyada ba3ad? Haa? Shino 3aroos 3ashan ta5theen kil hal wagt?
I looked at my feet, suddenly interested at how my toenails look..
Baba: sara.. Bas 3ad.. Ilyoum 3eed, la taksireen ib 5a6ir libnaya..
Sara: wallah shoof 3amayilha!!
Baba: 5ala9 7a9al 5air.. Yalla yoba mishaina..
Baba carries 5aloodi, oo 5alti sara takes faroo7a by the hand and they all go to the door, me trailing behind..
Sigh. A new day. Again. I always thought that I would get used to hal wath3, but obviously I still didn't. Omg tawni astaw3ib! Ilyoum il3eed!! No wonder she's yelling like that.. I should get the kids washed up and ready for the usual 3eed tour..
I quickly get up from my too-small bed, get into the bathroom real quick, and go sprinting to the 2 kids; my half-sister and brother."Faroo7a, 5aloodi, yalla goomaw ilyoum il3eed!! Bsir3a 3ashan Mama Sara ma t3a99ib!!" They both try to open their eyes against the light, with those sweet, innocent smiles. ;*
"Yalla yalla bsir3a insawwi subbai7a!" I try to say it as enthusiastically as I can. Am as much as sleepy as they are; I hardly slept an hour or two..I pick up 5aloodi and hold Faroo7a's hand and go to the bathroom. When I put them both in the water, they think its like every bath I give them. We usually play a little with their water toys, and then we take the real shower.
"La la Faroo7a ilyoum no playing!! We have to go down! Mama and Baba are waiting for u!"
She gives me a nathra that I don't like, and gives up to the shower.We finish up real quick, and I start to dress them up in their brand new clothes. Faroo7a is so happy with her new dress. 5aloodi is still too young to realize anything as such.I dress up as quick as I can, into my not-so-new clothes. 5alti Sara thought it was a waste to spend money on new clothes for me. I didn't care much about that. Its been that way for a long time now, ever since she came into our lives. Plus she was still mad that Baba bought me the new BMW. I never really asked for it. I kept saying that any car will do, but he was trying to make me happy with something nice. After all, we ARE middle-classed, I knew he would have a hard time paying for something expensive. I mean, I WAS happy with it, but nothing seems to make me happy enough after Mama was gone..
Anyway, I applied some light makeup, just some mascara and light blush and some lite pink lip gloss. I think I looked sweet even though my baby pink dress wasn't that much to look at. "Anything will do" I thought in my head. "3ad min bishoofni, prince charming mathalan? Ufff.."
I rushed downstairs with Faroo7a and 5aloodi to find baba and 5alti sara waiting..
Me: 9aba7 il5air.. 3eedkom imbarak
Baba: 9aba7 inoor hala ib binti zainat ilbanat.. Ayamich sa3eeda yoba
I kiss his forehead with a smile on my face.. He was the best dad ever.
Sara: tawinas? Shrayich itna6reenna cham sa3a zyada ba3ad? Haa? Shino 3aroos 3ashan ta5theen kil hal wagt?
I looked at my feet, suddenly interested at how my toenails look..
Baba: sara.. Bas 3ad.. Ilyoum 3eed, la taksireen ib 5a6ir libnaya..
Sara: wallah shoof 3amayilha!!
Baba: 5ala9 7a9al 5air.. Yalla yoba mishaina..
Baba carries 5aloodi, oo 5alti sara takes faroo7a by the hand and they all go to the door, me trailing behind..
Introduction
Hello readers :)
This a story of sorrow, joy, pain, and love.
This is for you, my bestest friend, soul-mate, and love of my life. ;**
I hope you enjoy it! :)
This a story of sorrow, joy, pain, and love.
This is for you, my bestest friend, soul-mate, and love of my life. ;**
I hope you enjoy it! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
