Part Thirteen

Heeyyy my readers <3
i missed u all so much, and thank you Roman6i8 for pointing out that its been 2 months since the last post ;s
tara wallah i've been planning to write :$ and i did, bas shwayya :$
SO, am publishing this 3ashan itgazroon feeh till i write some more :p
hope u like ;)


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I felt the pinch of the needle go through my skin, blood spurting everywhere with my high pressure. It was painful. My back arched as I bit into my lip trying to muffle my cry, and a few seconds later, I was unconcious, my body as still as a corpse waiting to be coffined...

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YUSIF

I was on the phone with the love of my life. No, the REAL love of my life; love that I could not live without, love that I would proudly live with, love that I can have forever. Unlike wut I have in my life now...

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I can't live with the thought inha za3lana.. I dialed her number- which I had memorized even though I never called before- and waited for the tone...


Zaina : alo

Me: haila ya rumanna.. Il7ilwa za3lana!!

Zaina: hehehe.. 5ala9 5ala9 mo za3lana!!

The sound of her laugh gives me a feeling that I can fly...

Me: offf lahadaraja 9outi mo 7ilo?

Zaina: haha la bil 3aks wallah.. Very musical

Me: eeeeh yalla ma3alaih.. Aroo7 a'3anni 7ag nas thaneen 3ayal!!

Ouch.. Why did I say that? WRONG!!!

Zaina: la wallah?!?!

Yusif: hahaha gotcha!! T'3areen zayoon?

I must know her feelings gabil ay shay thani...this is a matter of tearing down relationships, while building others...

She was quiet, blushing I suppose..

Zaina: ha? :$

Me: ha intay! ;p shfeech tanna7tay ;p

Zaina: hehe la ma tanna7t :$

Bedoor: Yasoof!! Wainik!!

Yusif: umm.. Zaina? Akalmich ba3ad shway

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It was a mistake that I obey my parents in such a thing. Marrying a girl for the sake of having a better business with her parents is not how life should be! Ana illi tidabast feeha, even though ma bila3t'ha killish when I first saw her. She wasn't bad looking, bil 3aks. She's tall, with a slender body, and long blond hair. She also decsended from a well known family that have been friends with mine for a very long time. She had a degree in business, making her number 1 at their firm. She was simply the "perfect" match for me, in my parent's opinion. Not for me.

For some reason, 3umri ma irta7t laha. There was always this look in her eyes that never let me at ease. Yes, we have been living as husband and wife for the past two years, but I never felt any affection towards her. And I never did anything out of feelings, I just do it so she wouldn't go babbling to her parents about how ana "mga9ir ib 7goog'ha izawjiya". I could spare the embarrassment. It isn't like she wanted much a9lan, not that I saw her often anyway. She was always at the firm, with her friends, or away on business trips. So whenever she asked for anything, I just did it. Mali 5ilg 7anna o 3awar ras.

Me: shtabeen bedoor?

Bedoor: shda3wa shda3wa... Yalla its our together-time. Ta3al il '3urfa na6ritik..

Yusif: mo fathi al7een

Bedoor: shino moo fathi ?! Fathi nafsik 3yooni..

Yusif: bedoor mali 5ilg roo7ay 3anni

Bedoor: well its MY time. Oo when I say its my time, u get ur ass off that chair and come over right here!!!

Yusif: ti7achay 3adil

Bedoor: at7acha nafs ma abi

Yusif: bedoor kiffay ishar a7sanlich

Bedoor: and if I don't? Shbitsawi balla?

Yusif: intay ma yinfa3 wiyach i6eeb

Bedoor: waay waay yumma 5ift

Yusif: intay..

My bb pinged a few times cutting my sentence.. I picked it up and my face turned paler than ever..

Part Twelve

My readers i missed you ;**
adri inni ma9a5t'ha oo 5alaitkom tan6iroon WAYID :$
yalla thats my exam treat for you, if u got good grades hehe ;p

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And then I heard a voice on his end of the phone. Feminine. La2 this can't be happening..

Voice: Yasoof!! Wainik!!

Yusif: umm.. Zaina? Akalmich ba3ad shway

And he hung up

WTF!!!!



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I looked at the screen with disbelief. Wut was THAT? Ay shay 9a7? He has a girl?? And at 2, it must be his wife.. With all the tidilli3 and mushy stuff.. "Yasoof" .. urgh

My anger was building as I thought more about it. Ya3ni shino, ana tagzoora? All the things he said to me, bas 7achi? My eyes started to gather tears, the tears that he wanted to stop a few hours ago.. But how could he? Ana.. ANA y9eer feeni chithee?! And I started crying...

Tears of betrayal..
Tears of failure..
Tears of shock..
Tears of disbelief..
Tears that turned into a salty river on my bruised cheeks, burning their way down and followed by more..

I was shaking with fury. I wanted to break out of my casts, to go break his own neck for doing this to me. No wonder this all seemed too unreal; it was just a game. None of his feelings were true, none of the things he promised were out of heart, none of the looks in his eyes was love. I was stunned at how far I was decieved. I actually believed that he loved me, that he wanted me, that he cared.

I needed to cry this out, cry my grief, my new born love. And I decided that I didn't want to see his face anymore. I'll forget him, yes. I managed to live without one of the most important people in my life, and I will be able to live without my deciever, the liar.

My heart was pounding, hurting my ribs. My head was going to explode, I wished I could vanish into nothingness. I was in too much pain, and I can't take anymore. I reached out to press the button, and called the nurse.

As the nurse entered, my tears were still falling heavily, a waterfall..

Nurse (eyes open wide) : wuts wrong habibtee!! Is something hurting?!

Me (between my sobs) : yes.. yes... please nurse.. please.. morphine.. please..

Her face held too much of an expression. She was shocked, no, she was HORRIFIED as I was begging her to give that shot of morphine. She seemed disoriented like she was going to have a nervous breakdown of her own. She leaned against the wall, slowly retreating from the room, turning into a sprint as she got to the door.

I began wailing. Why? WHY? I don't want to live. I had enuf pain in my life 5ala9 mabi I can't take this anymore. I snatched the new stupid blackberry he got me..

Me (typing) : YA 7AQEER.. YA A7QAR INSAN MAR 3ALAY IB 7AYATY..

I couldn't see through my tears, but I kept on writing, saying the words aloud as I typed them

Me (typing still): MABI ASHOOF RIG3AT WAYHIK AGAIN YA ...

I stopped to give it a thought.. Ya 5ayin? I can't really say that. He never really confessed his love. Nor did he ever say he was committed or anything. I decided on calling him 7mar, since that was the perfect word. Very expressive, in my point of view.

I typed the word and pressed the enter key. I watched the "D" waiting yet again for it to turn into an "R". I started to hate this technology ib sibbita, allah la ywafga. I waited and waited, then I realized he'd be "too busy" right now for any msg from anyone, ha!

I gazed into space for a few seconds, the fire glazing inside me.. I gave the bb a dark look, and used all the energy I could gather and threw it into the opposite wall, pieces flying all over the room. As soon as the phone shattered, several nurses rushed into the room.

Nurse: its ok habibtee everything will be okay don't worry.. Relax relax!!

I was still crying loudly, it reminded me of the way I cried when I was a kid..

Nurse: its okaaay.. We will now call mr.yusif...

And that did it.

I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I thrashed and pushed and kicked and did everything the casts would let me do.

"MA ABEEEEEEEH!!! FIHAMTAY?! MA ABI ASHOOOFAAAA!!!!"

I wasn't in my right mind. I had lost it. Saying that she'll call him for me triggered me into losing it. And all of a sudden all the nurses where holding me everywhere. I couldn't move anything except my head, side to side, still screaming.

I felt the pinch of the needle go through my skin, blood spurting everywhere with my high pressure. And a few seconds later, I was unconcious, my body as still as a corpse waiting to be buried...